I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
