I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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