he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
