Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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