well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
