I wish I could teleport
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
