last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
