like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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