he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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