I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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