And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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