He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
