How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
