i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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