can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
