If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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