you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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