video games are the ultimate cock blocker
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
