I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
