from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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