He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
