tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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