Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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