She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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