Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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