There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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