We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
