i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
