I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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