Can i not drive my cunt home
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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