Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
