If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
