If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
