I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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