you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
