I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
