take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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