If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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