So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
