I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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