The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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