You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
