no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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