It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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