I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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