garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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