New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
