The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
