living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
