genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
zippers are such a cool invention
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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