apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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