I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
