I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
