i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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