I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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