I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In other news, I just burned my penis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
