would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
