problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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