the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My bed smells like the plague
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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