He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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