Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
