Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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