I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
