I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
