if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
