clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
